Alright, so in a few days, I turn twenty *woo*. And I've been thinking A LOT about how this year has gone. Since I'm not ashamed, let me tell you what's been up.
1) My bf of eight months (not that that's a long time), and the dude who I gained a little bit of weight and a ton of estrogen for (i you know science, you get what I'm saying) breaks up with me. I go crazy. Because I'm a dumbass like that. We go back and forth, date again, don't date again, blahblahblah. Finally, during one off period...
2) Due to lack of self respect at the time, I "hang out" with the exes brand new roommate. Smart. So smart. So now, I'm a drama bitch.
3) I move out of the parent's house and get a job working retail. High heel retail.
4) Ex and I are on again, I'm stressed because I got B's and a C in school (still mostly A's), and finally he completely ends it (partially because his friends are starting to really hate me now... wonder why?).
5) At work, I'm a "breath of fresh air, and I realize that I have not been in a good place the past year. I decide to get back on track.
6) I go to a party I was accidentally invited to in order to prove that I can go to a party without acting up. I do it, but some old high school buddy gives me his number. I don't intend to call him, but...
7) I leave my precious notebook of poetry at the house we were at last night. Since I proved my point the night before and didn't want to piss anyone off more, I dial in the number and invite him to dinner, asking if he'd stop by the wharf (nickname for exes house of dead things, depression, and hallucinogens). My excuse wasn't the nice thing, I was using him (my god was I evil this year ).
8) I end up liking him. A lot. You know how high school crushes normally result in both parties pretending to hate each other? He did the hate thing, I did the "aaw, don't bust your chops" thing. Apparently though, what I knew was a crush on my side was one on his side as well. So... Even now, we're not dating dating, but yeah... he's awesome. With problems. Like everyone who has touched the dark side of that world.
9) School. Work. Ishboy. Not surviving college with a high GPA (damnit). Astronomy burning up my brains. Work. School. School. Work. Family. Work. School. Family.
10) And I have intel that there's more to come...

I think that I will create a new account. Transfer this stuff over, or whatever, then move on. So... go ahead and look for little miss SuburbanTwinkie soon. I've gone all hip hop fake rapster etc. The angst thing... yeah, not me anymore.

PS. Anyone wanna wire me school-book money? I'm a little short.


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Family:
(otherwise known as )

Much Correspondence With::



(if I forgot about u, I apologise greatly)

Clubs:

Too much acid, too much drinking, too much smoking. And I wont submit. I'll show the whole world his real face, and damn, he can't have that. So he cuts me off, thinking it will hurt. It hurts, but I'm more enraged. Grow up, little boy.

...One of my walking with a Hermaphrodite
through a little set of booths.
(I was first with my family, purchasing cheap makeup elsewhere).
The first I examined
was a booth with bead bracelets, three varying in orangish colors
(tigers eye, dark orange, a swirled variety) -
all on the top pegs, with the lable
"For a grandmother's passing".

I spy the only black beads, whose purpose I now,
in waking, forget.

I purchase, and notice the table is littlered
with Christian crosses,
and two egss- one golden, one wood.
I pick up the gold one a moment
then put it down.

My friend and I meander away,
and then I get a note from the lady at the last booth -
she is skinny and mean, but young.
It is something about how I did not leave a tip,
and she says something cruel about my friend
that a thin balding man agrees with.
They taunt, we fight them-
someone I know comes along
and asks me why I am being so feisty.

Wake up, rub my eyes, sleep again,
fade into the next dream
at someone's house.

I am with one I love, as well as many I love less,
but still enjoy.
After much partying,
he takes me into a room -
but this is not his house,
and there are people everwhere,
including the parents of one friend.
Nevertheless, for the moment, we are alone -
and he talks to me.
Still more partying ensues after the speeches I do not recall,
and then we again retire to the room
and begin to have sex.
Two boys are in the room, sniggering -
the parents come in, see, close the door, and laugh too.
We stop,
and he gives me a drug
that makes the room spin
and myself go crazy.
I land myself on a wooden chair,
and slowly, it begins to spin in the air.
I want to sleep on this chair, even though I am at the edge of it, clinging.
So I do.
When I awaken,
The chair is on the ground,
and he is in what must be aa family room, with a television
and a highly advanced form of guitar hero,
because there are drums as well,
and more instruments hooked up to a console
that cannot be seen.
The one I love is ignoring me,
so I sit in a corner that is not a corner
because there is a hallway beside it,
and watch as more and more people cowd the room.
I stand.
Matt Damon gives me a note -
"BlahBlahBlahBlah - I set Angelina up with Brad'
"BlahBlahBlahBlah- I shouldn't have"
H says something about having liked Angelina Jolie,
but also that I seem an exemplary female, and would I
go out with him?
I do -
I walk out to a car,
Angelina's driving,
Matt Damon is beside her,
and apparently, I have a partner (I am suddenly a spy?),
but Agent Smith has taken his body over.
I notice this, more as the waking self than the dream girl in the car however.
He enters the car, and brandishs his shotgun.
The two in the car panic,
I simply yell "No! (His Name starts with a B), not today!
He puts the shotgun away,
but I know he will bring out his pistol, and as I am pondering how to stop him
from murdering Matt Damon -

...I awaken to the sound
of very loud rock music
emenating from my alarm clock.
I tried to dream again,
I really did.
But my body disallows.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I love my dreams - they are so messy. I never can understand everything - I think a lot of it is simply subject to my brain's extra creativity (so many damned movie references.) What I do think is important here - the beads, the golden egg (come to think of it, mean skinny chick even asked why I'd picked it up), the set of booths, the makeup, the party, the spinning chair, the boys in the room, the guitars and music, and the fact that I was being ignored by the one I love (by the way, we are no longer attached in that sense), and instead attracted Matt Damon - What Matt said about Angelina Jolie was important as well, even if she herself, was not. And the fact that someone tried to kill my newly aquired lover, is also something to be examined. I'm halfway there concerning understanding this set. But It's going to take a waile, because of everything there. Why does the human mind have to be so complex?


Anyway, thoughts on the matter would be nice.



........................................................................................................
Family:


Much Correspondence With::




(if I forgot about u, I apologise greatly)

Clubs:

Meh.
1.What does your DeviantART name mean?
Well, Margaret is(was) my saint name, and I really liked fire... Someday I'm changing my name, and maybe I'll take a page from Aqua-rat's book and do "Catricorn" (Cat in vietnamese astrology = rabbit in chinese. Keep wanting to make that a tatoo too )
2. Where was the most recent picture of yourself taken?
My room most likely.
3. What is your middle name?
Sturgeon.
4. What is your current relationship status?
Taken.
5. What is your pet's name?
Athena, Mela.
6. What is your current mood?
Awake. I smell kinda like last nights rum.
7. What do you love most?
Existing?
8. Who was the last person you kissed?
My guy.
9. Are you musically inclined?
I try to be.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
I'm too young to really know what needs changing. lol.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day what would you be?
A tiger? Or maybe just a tabby.
12. Did you ever have a near death experience?
Not really. Almost got run over by a bus tho
13. Something you do a lot?
Talk.
14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head?
I wanna see your pussy....
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?

16. Name someone with the same B-day as you:
My uncle.
17. Who's on your mind right now?
My guy and my parents.
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Relatively - for choir, for theatre, blah blah...
19. What's your favorite place to be?
Don't have a "place" yet.
20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
Torso.
21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Caramel Something.
22. What's the best way for someone to tell you they like you?
Grab me, and say it in my face laughingly.
23. Do you secretly call people in your bedroom at night?
Now and then.
24. Ever dated someone your parents disapproved of?
Eh... not really. I tend to date pretty exemplary guys lol.
25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Heroes baby!
26. Do you have braces?
Yup.
27. Do you wear glasses?
When I remember to.
28. Name something funny that happened to you?
Uh... my entire life is a comedy... Hard to choose one incident.
29. Do you speak any other language?
I'm getting pretty fluent in Spanish. I know the formalities of Vietnamese, and some cuss words in Tagalog, but that's about it.
30. What's your favorite smell?
Hmmmmm lavender. That, or Meh guy.


........................................................................................................
Family:


Much Correspondence With::




(if I forgot about u, I apologise greatly)

Clubs:

I dunno, just felt like saying something. I have a couple poems to submit, but since I'm at school, I'll do it later. Hmmm.... so I've been having to lug this huge bag around due to dress rehearsal for my Intro to Theatre final. I've got two fucked up laptops, a long blond wig, some papers, a pair of black pants and a plaid shirt, and, maybe a book (I don't remember if I put it in there). I'm also luggin around a horrifically ugly Stewie sweatshirt (you know, the baby fom family guy), and my purse. I can feel the muscle affected by my shingles try to pop up and sting me with each step. I love theatre, but this is just lame.

Hmm... maybe I should post that script too. It sucks, but some might be amused by it. Maybe when I write the improvement during whatever free time I have.

Oh, and I'm supposed to commit to a story about my mom's side of the family. A novel. My mom thinks that if I do it, it'll make the family rich (hahahaha). I want to, but I'm not sure I have the time or want to take the effort to call up my living family members and interview them. Hell, I don't even have the questions to ask...

Well, anyway, that's what's up with me. Hello, goodbye, let's dance.

........................................................................................................
Family:


Much Correspondence With::




(if I forgot about u, I apologise greatly)

Clubs: